A New Year .. a NEW me??

Hello my dear Friends....

Its been a while since i last posted on here. I am sick ( have been since christmas eve YUCK) and i couldnt workout AT ALL.....  i feared to regain the weight i lost..... Ive come to realize that i am obsessing WAY too much about the # on the scale .... I promised myself (and my husband who is a real worry bug) that i wont weigh in once a week anymore... i try to only weigh in once or twice a month. The scale puts ALOT of pressure on me so i hope losing the last few pounds will be a lil easier / less stressful without the weekly weigh in day.
I updated my Progress Pictures and my Measurments. (you will find the links in the top navi bar)

your comments are much appreciated

xoxo Jen

Sabotaging myself...

... Sometimes i would really like to be able to kick myself in the a.. two weeks ago i was fully into working out and eating healthy and skipping sweets and lost 3 pounds .. YAY ME right??... well after this big weightloss i started to slack ... didnt work out.... ate fast food... and eventho i didnt go over my daily calories i gained weight.... first i tried to put it off as weight flucutation but the weight stayed the same over a couple of days... i got so frustrated about it that i just stopped to care... which made me feel awful... i have come so far and i simply cannot understand WHY i sabotage myself like this... WHY cant i have the willpower to stay on track!!!!

OUCH

GREAT start in the weekend... i just busted my A$$ and almost broke my spine while mopping the floor... I slipped and fell (hit the bathroom trashcan with the middle part of my spine...) also F'ed up my wrist my pinky keeps on twitching.. GREAT... so no workout for me today... UGH i hate when this happens... im just glad it was me and not one of my daughters.

anyway i hope everyone has a wonderful weekend :)

and here i am

All my life ppl told me that i am …. Too fat…. Too ugly….. worthless…. And i will never achieve anything in life…

And here i am …

A 25 year old stay at home mother and wife.. I might not have what YOU consider  an awesome career … and i dont make a shit ton of money… but i have ppl in my life that love me for WHO i am … they accept me with my flaws … my mood swings…. i am a mother of three wonderful Girls, I have a husband who adores me and loves me unconditionally… i have a beautiful home and wonderful friends..  if you ask me I HAVE IT ALL.. i have everything i ever wanted in life and then some … but yet i am still unhappy and feel like this ugly fat kid from a few years ago.

Ive lost 40 pounds since i gave birth to my daughter Hailey in Jan 2010 and ppl constanly comment how good i look ( i think they are just trying to be nice) and how i did it and how JEALOUS they are …
they say things like ‚‘‘ i wish i had you body.. you should stop complaining and be gratful for the way you look‘‘…. I AM grateful that i have lost so much weight and i am ‚‘‘Happy‘‘ ( sometimes) but i  wish they could  HEAR my thought and FEEL my Pain raging inside of me… ist a constant battle with ana … a  constant FIGHT to EAT healthy instead of STARVING myself…. I compare myself with EVERY girl i see ( and when i say EVERY girl i mean litteraly EVERY GIRL) i look at girls and think they are so much more pretty… so much more skinnier then me…. It makes it really hard for me to balance between healthy eating habbits and old ANA habbits.

And then the guilt i feel for doing this to myself….. for hurting me this way… But in the same second the guilt of eating or enjoying ‘‘BAD‘‘ foods . I wish ppl would understand that instead of making stupid comments.  Ist definately NOT easy to be me lol i wish my heart and head would work more together when it comes to myself… I wish i could see me through my husbands eyes only once to see what HE sees in me maybe i could finaly find peace….

Weekly Goals!.

OK i decided to set weekly goals to motivate me, because to be honest i am slipping into the ' who cares how much i lose or what i look like ' phase..... So this weeks goal is :


NO SWEETS.... and i mean it ... no sweet period... i ate a whole bar of Milka chocolate ( 100g) yesterday .... a whooping 560 calories and over 50g os SUGAR... no wonter my weight fluctuations and i read that a lot of sugar can do that.
´
then

MORE WATER .... i managed to dring 4 cups ( 8 oz) of water yesterday... thats a lot for me usually i dont drink any water at all


So those are the two goals i set myself for this week. ill update my few followers we shall see if i succseed :P

10 months into my jounrey

I am not 10 months and two weeks into my weightloss jounrey ( well if you dont count the 4 months ''journey break'' i am 6 months into my journey) I looked back at some old #'s and i realised ive done a pretty good job :) i had a few ups and downs and fell off the ''wagon'' a couple of times but i am proud of myself ( i never thought i would say that about myself lol) so here a ''few'' #'s its a lot i know sry you can skip right through it and continue reading after the #'s

Weight on 01/26/10 154 SW
Weight on 02/05/10 140 -14
Weight on 02/08/10 135 -5
Weight on 02/13/10 134 -1
Weight on 02/23/10 135 +1
Weight on 02/28/10 133 -2
Weight on 03/02/10 129.6 -3.4
Weight on 03/03/10 129.6  +-0
Weight on 03/04/10 128.6  -1
Weight on 03/09/10 127.8  -0.9
Weight on 03/13/10 126  -1.8
Weight on 03/20/10 125  -1
Weight on 03/28/10 129 +4
Weight on 03/30/10 127.6 -1.4
Weight on 03/31/10 127  -0.6
Weight on 04/02/10 126 -1
Weight on 04/04/10 125.6 -0.4
Weight on 04/05/10 125.4 -0.2
Weight on 04/08/10 124.4 -1
Weight on 04/11/10 123.6 -0.8
Weight on 04/12/10 123 -0.6
Weight on 04/13/10 122.2 -0.8
Weight on 04/18/10 121.8  -0.4
Weight on 04/19/10 121  -0.8
Weight on 04/21/10 120.6  -0.4
Weight on 04/22/10 120 -0.6
Weight on 04/25/10 118.6  -1.4
Weight on 04/30/10 118.6  +-0
Weight on 05/06/10 118.6  +-0
Weight on 05/10/10 118  -0.6
Weight on 05/12/10 117  -1
Weight on 05/26/10 117  +-0
Weight on 05/31/10 115  -2
Weight on 06/10/10 113  -2
Weight on 07/12/10 119 +6
Weight on 07/18/10 116 -3
Weight on 07/25/10 115 -1
Weight on 11/06/10 120.6 +5.6
Weight on 11/08/10 117.6 -3
Weight on 12/06/10 116  -0.4
Weight on 12/11/10 113.8 -2.2
 ive lost 40.2 pounds in 10 months  ( or 6 months lol take your pick) thats a lot!. I want to prove the world that just because i have three kids doesnt mean i cant have my body back :) i am PROUD to say that i am a mother of three wonderful girls and i successfully lost all the pregnancy weight AND THEM SOME!!!!... i havent met my goal.. YET but i am confident that i will meet my goal sooner or later

Me, Myself & I

Hello Friends...
My name is Jennie ... i am 25 years old and from Germany. I am a mother to three Girls and a wife to an U.S Soldier!. Let me tell you a bit about my family:

My oldest is 5 years old her name is Annabell Melina... shes VERY smart ( dont all parents say that about their lil ones :) ) she just started kindergarden and i THANK GOD she did because she has WAY too much energy for me to handle all day LOL.

Then our Guardian Angel Kaitlyn ann she was born on July 9th 2008 at week 18 of pregnancy and she passed away right after she was born. We miss her every day.

And on January 26th 2010 hailey marie was born! she is probably the most friendly girl you will ever meet.
shes so much like her daddy it scares me sometimes lol....

About my husband!... My wonderful husband joined the ARMY back in 06... he is currently on his second tour to a war zone! we have been through a lot in our young marriage but it made us only stronger :)